Photo by Deborah Blake Dempsey
Have you ever been at the end of your rope/hope/patience, standing on the precipice of WTH, and where do I go now, pulling your hair and screaming into the void?
What did you do? Did you turn around, suck it all up, and keep it moving, or did you jump off the precipice of possibility? Did you look at your fear(s) and all that holds you back, all that keeps you in a place of dissatisfaction? What did you do?
What choices did you see and accept? Were they based on what you wanted? If not, whose life choices were you living and why? If yes, did you step into it and explore your possibilities?
I faced that precipice many times in my life. Each time they kept me in places and roles that did not serve or support my higher goals, but they gave me a sense of security and comfort because I knew what I had and didn’t want any less than what was.
Are you there?
I asked myself what I wanted to do. Over and over again and year after year. That is until I got sick of that cycle of hopefulness but non-movement.
When I decided to change my life, I looked at what I did well, and one of the things I enjoyed was connecting with people. I’m one of those folks that people, familiars, and strangers, pour their souls out to. People begin to talk, and I think, ‘why are they telling me this’ and eventually, in the storytelling of their lives, the other person will stop themselves and ask, “but why am I telling you this.” They either never do that or never talk so intimately about themselves.
I’ve always been drawn to people, sociology, and psychology, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do with that interest.
I had to ask myself if I wanted to help someone dig into past events or focus on clearing the way for a future based on their goals and secret desires.
I decided to go back to graduate school for my Psychology degree. I had a quick debate on clinical psychology or a focus on social, leadership, and ethical practices. I chose not to follow the clinical path. After decades of working in healthcare on the administrative side, I recognized a disinterest in remaining in the clinical setting. I have a deep respect for healthcare, but my road led me to a precipice of questioning what my contribution to the world could be.
It leads me to choose coaching instead of therapy. In all the stories people have shared, many are about the things they did not do because they were scared or didn’t meet the expectations of their parents, partners, children, friends, or co-workers. So many stories of people stuck, feeling disconnected and passionless. Some people lacked direction. Some knew the direction but couldn’t figure out how to move from their current state into the desired one.
Some people sat in depression, while others covered their feelings with food, substances, or sex.
The hardest, and at times scariest, thing to do is to be curious about oneself enough to take the time to discover what you want and then…go for it.
I’ve learned from coaching that all the answers we need reside in ourselves. What we lack is courage and faith in ourselves. Our lives are influenced by those we surround d ourselves with, and sometimes stepping outside of the person you always were into the person you are or the person you want to be” is met with questions, anger, resentment, or accusations. Sometimes all four. It is in these moments that we collapse and stay in place or step back when what we want to do is move forward.
I was there.
What got me out of that state were several personal illnesses I overcame, a car accident, my brilliant husband’s disability, the aging of my parents, a review of my career, and a deep probing into my integrity, needs, and desires for whatever remaining time I have left on this earth as this person writing this article.
I realized I had a question. The final question I would ask myself is if I had a few moments before my last earthly blink. That is:
Are you the person you believed yourself to be?
Am I? Was I? Can I be?
I was not, but I could be if I took a chance to change my life and re-direct it to create an experience where a legacy could be left. Not one of financial wealth but one of human impact.
Rather than having people come to me to tell me their woes which can better be shared and managed through therapy, a spiritual advisor, or an open-minded/hearted friend, I could coach people onto a different path. One that brought greater joy and satisfaction to their life and perhaps used their past experiences as a source of wisdom that propels them into greatness, or however they define that word and experience.
I chose a tagline for my coaching company on purpose:
Where curiosity leads to discovery.
People are typically curious about external things, people, and events. When curious about their wants, needs, and desires, they must go through a minefield of barriers created mainly by external factors that limit or dissuade inner curiosity and personal leadership.
What led me to coach is a desire to see the best in people and to be an open-minded sounding board that pulls the threads from your own words to reflect your inner knowledge. You have the answers. Every single one resides in your mind, spirit, and the tightness or fluidity of your body. When was the last time you tapped into it?
Would you like a partner who can co-creation with you to help you establish the goals, encourage you as you move the momentum towards accomplishments, and then once you are on solid ground and living your created life, leaves you in a better, stronger place than before?
Then you might need me or someone like me to coach you through the process to your best, most enjoyable lived life.
How curious are you?
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